Elyssium

I awaken in a field of flowers
Empty but for love’s sweet power
My thoughts scatter
Petals on the breeze
As a lazy zephyr blows through me

… and the sky is breathing deep

Across the glade a distant bower
I hear birdsong call the hour
It lures me onward
Into the shadow of trees
This place speaks – my heart agrees

… and the land is breathing deep

Somewhere ahead the sound of laughter
Through tangled growth the ripples fracture
Liquid chuckle over stones
I can feel it in my bones
As I stand on the sand alone

… and the sea is breathing deep

I awaken from the dream
The vision slips away from me
I feel foggy, incomplete
In search of something I can’t keep
I look around
A field of flowers
Colors stun me
Nature’s power
Thoughts lost in diversity
As a lazy zephyr blows through me

… and the sky is breathing deep

… and the land is breathing deep

… and the sea is breathing deep

How long was I asleep?

~*~*~*~

I’ve taken today’s offering from 3WW and used it to write this poem.  “Fracture” appears as is.  “Noise” inspired the idea of sounds… birdsong, laughter, a babbling brook, wind and words.  “Vanish” is in the scattering thoughts, the dream as it escapes my grasp.

Comments and constructive criticism more than welcome!  Heartfelt thanks to the folks at 3 word wednesday!

Advertisements
Published in: on August 26, 2009 at 10:55 pm  Comments (15)  
Tags: , , , , , ,

The URI to TrackBack this entry is: https://asleeponmyfeet.wordpress.com/2009/08/26/elyssium/trackback/

RSS feed for comments on this post.

15 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. Yes, I often wonder how many of my thoughts vanish before they even have the chance to ripen to maturity.

  2. That’s a great dream. lovely.

  3. You’ve gone into this in great detail.

    Wonderfully done!

    Here’s a link for you to clink:
    The American Sandwich

    • Thanks for the link to American Sandwiches… I’m always hungry! I’ll have to try to make myself a few… :)

  4. This was beautifully done. I loved how you took the elements of 3WW and wove them into your poem without actually using the words themselves.

    Very creative!

  5. Infact I relate with this!

    blowing over that mug of coffee

  6. I very much enjoy that type of sleep that skitters on the surface of waking – but only while napping, or late in the morning. It is definitely always difficult to gauge time in that state. Good idea on using the prompts.

  7. Like a dream, this unfolds. I like what you’ve done.

  8. Very impressive, your dream – and very creative.

  9. dreamy, I like the “breathing” and their repetition at the end, and also the line with ‘zephyr’ – it reads well with the sometimes rhyme, of cause if I read it out loud, it probably sounds way better

  10. I loved it! Especially the form. Is that form yours? It’s really fun.

    • I took the prompt words to the coffee shop with me and wrote this poem while listening to live jazz… it came out as a lot of scribbling, crossed out words, and arrows connecting things in different orders.
      When I got home, I typed it out and played with the form until I like the feel of it, the flow. I’m glad you like you it!

  11. I love the form of this as well… It felt totally fresh and was lots of fun to read. Great way to use “noise,” btw. Look forward to reading more of your work!

  12. Nice form and rhythm – love the thoughtful progression!

  13. Cool dream.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: